Friday, February 2, 2018

A Call to All Believers - Priesthood, Purity, & Warfare

2 Tim 1.9
I've been pondering many different things over the last week and I wanted to share some of them. As Christians, we are called to follow Christ - we are called to be in an ever deepening relationship with Him, in growing awe of who He is. If our relationship is not changing, then it is stagnant and something is wrong (that's a whole other discussion for another time). Today I'm going to bring a few themes of topics that have been heavy on my heart as the Holy Spirit teaches me day to day. These words are as much instructions and reminders to myself as they are to anyone else reading. The first theme is priesthood.


All these who were chosen to be gatekeepers at the thresholds were 212. These were enrolled by genealogy in their villages, whom David and Samuel the seer appointed in their office of trust. So they and their sons had charge of the gates of the house of the Lordeven the house of the tent, as guards. The gatekeepers were on the four sides, to the east, west, north and south. Their relatives in their villages were to come in every seven days from time to time to be with them; for the four chief gatekeepers who were Levites, were in an office of trust, and were over the chambers and over the treasuries in the house of God. They spent the night around the house of God, because the watch was committed to them; and they were in charge of opening it morning by morning. Now some of them had charge of the utensils of service, for they counted them when they brought them in and when they took them out. Some of them also were appointed over the furniture and over all the utensils of the sanctuary and over the fine flour and the wine and the oil and the frankincense and the spices. Some of the sons of the priests prepared the mixing of the spices. Mattithiah, one of the Levites, who was the firstborn of Shallum the Korahite, had the responsibility over the things which were baked in pans. Some of their relatives of the sons of the Kohathites were over the showbread to prepare it every sabbath. Now these are the singers, heads of fathers’ households of the Levites, who lived in the chambers of the temple free from other service; for they were engaged in their work day and night. These were heads of fathers’ households of the Levites according to their generations, chief men, who lived in Jerusalem. {1 Chronicles 9:22-34; NASB}
This Scripture stuck out to me as I was reading through several Old Testament passages these last few weeks. I've been coming back again and again to the concept of priesthood in the Christian life. We know from the New Testament that we are part of a royal priesthood, as Peter tells us:
But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nationa people for God’s own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; for you once were not a people, but now you are the people of God; you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. {1 Peter 3:9-10; NASB}
First of all, I love the word marvelous (that's a side note, it's a beautiful word - one of my favourites). Second of all, as a believer, have you stopped to consider what being a part of a royal priesthood really means? I look back at the Old Testament to the Levites and to Melchizedek (Genesis 14:17-24) and it just strikes me as a wonderful thing. The more I learn about Jesus and the more I seek to follow after Him, the more desirable His Presence becomes - and priests were born to live in the Presence of God. We have been born again into a royal priesthood (1 Peter 2:9-12) therefore our new self has been created to live in His Presence (and when we're not living there, things start to get shady). 

The Levites each had different roles (and, excuse my ignorance, but I am uncertain if they rotated positions in service). Some were called to stand guard at the gates as watchmen. Some prepared and cleaned the instruments within the tabernacle. Others were called to sing and worship. And others were called to bake the showbread and set it out day after day. 

Every priest had a high call of purity on their lives and every priest lived close to the Presence of God. What an honour that would have been. 

And what more of an honour do we have now, as believers, to be indwelt by the living Spirit of God (John 14:16-21). He who rested His Presence upon the tabernacle and filled the Holy of Holies has taken up residence inside of us. Have you stopped to consider this? Have you stopped to assess what that means for your lifestyle and the calling that you are under? 

This leads to my second theme.


This overarching concept has been very strongly impressed upon me over the last month. I keep thinking about the royal priesthood that we are part of, about the Bride of Christ, and about the passionate love of God. His love is so massive I don't think many of us fully understand how serious our relationship with Him really is when we surrender our lives to Him. The Old Testament is filled with references of Israel as a Bride. Jeremiah handles it particularly well as he is instructed to prophesy:
Go and proclaim these words toward the north and say,
‘Return, faithless Israel,’ declares the Lord; ‘I will not look upon you in anger. For I am gracious,’ declares the Lord; ‘I will not be angry forever. ‘Only acknowledge your iniquity, That you have transgressed against the Lord your God And have scattered your favors to the strangers under every green tree, And you have not obeyed My voice,’ declares the Lord. ‘Return, O faithless sons,’ declares the Lord; ‘For I am a master to you, And I will take you one from a city and two from a family, And I will bring you to Zion.’
“Then I will give you shepherds after My own heart, who will feed you on knowledge and understanding. It shall be in those days when you are multiplied and increased in the land,” declares the Lord, “they will no longer say, ‘The ark of the covenant of the Lord.’ And it will not come to mind, nor will they remember it, nor will they miss it, nor will it be made again.
  {Jeremiah 3:12-16; NASB}
As believers, we have been grafted in to Israel (Romans 11:17-24). When you really truly take this matter to thought and consider what is occurring, it saddens the heart. Jesus gave His life for us - He laid it down, became humiliated for our sake... killed for our sake. Why? Because He loved us so intensely and His foremost desire was to fulfill the longing of the Father - to restore His relationship with mankind. To bring us back into communion with Him. 

The more I think about the entire situation we're in, the more I sympathize with how God must feel about people. 

This year in particular I have felt very strongly that there is a call being sent out to Christians to return to a life of purity (2 Corinthians 11:1-3). We need to turn our eyes back to Christ. There is so much deception being planted around believers and an increase in distractions specifically directed to turn our gaze off where it needs to be. And the frustrating thing about it is that these distractions come in the form of what satisfies us the most. Catchy music, intriguing books, complimentary people with ulterior motives. These are things we need to constantly check and consider – is it wholesome? Are they deepening our relationship with Jesus, or are they distracting? 

When you are in a relationship with someone, they become your focus. You return to them again and again, giving them the best of what you have, the first fruits so to speak. They get your time, your attention, and your affections. Others do not distract you because your eyes are already fixed and nothing can sway you. God has called us to an even deeper relationship with Him. He wants our eyes fixed on Him – not swayed by the things of this world that seem so good in the moment but steal time from the Father (Hebrews 12:1-3). He wants purity…a Bride that is fully dedicated to this relationship, not one turning her eyes this way and that to see what else might be good (Revelation 22:12-17). 

He desires to meet us heart to heart, to impart His ways to us so that we might become more like Him. More like who we were created to be. He died for this – it is no passing matter that we can consider on a Sunday and forget for the rest of the week. He stands before you (Revelation 3:19-20), waiting for you to enter into the depths of His Word and His Spirit so that He might teach, comfort, and encourage you to continue racing for all you're worth. He is our forerunner – He paved the way before us and has called us to follow after. How hard is it if we have His Spirit and His Word? Why are so many of us stuck on the wayside of this narrow path with defeat in our eyes, letting our gaze wander to the temptations strategically placed before us? Can’t you see that they are strategic? Understand that this is not a game nor a fable – it is serious.


We all know by now, as believers, that we are entrenched in a spiritual battle that is easily forgotten about but significantly influences our day-to-day living (Ephesians 6:11-12). I often have to stop and remind myself that a person is not necessarily acting harsh or unkindly towards me because they hate me, but perhaps because they are being unknowingly influenced by the spiritual atmosphere around them. 

We can't afford to believe that there is no enemy. We also can't afford to accredit him with more than he deserves, because ultimately we know that we are victorious in Christ, who has crushed our enemy under His foot through His victory on the cross. Nevertheless, it is a reality that we are part of and we must be aware of this. 

The theme of warfare fits well following our discussion of purity. The distractions that are so well placed are part of this war we fight in. We are not to stand limply by and let ourselves get struck time and again until we give up and surrender what ground we had taken. We better not! Even the priests of Israel stood by and guarded the tabernacle day and night, because what was within was holy and worth their time and energy to guard. 

We know that we are a royal priesthood called to lives of purity – but we are also to defend what we have. If we don’t, the enemy will try to take it away from us, because he hates what we have. It angers him to know that we are living hosts of the Spirit of God – that Jesus died for our restored relationship with the Father. 

Paul wrote of the armor of God not so that we would have more Scripture to memorize and quote languidly in passing to our fellow believers. He was Spirit-prompted to give us this information because we need it. We know we have armor – so put it on and get up and fight. Defend what is yours. No one else is going to do it for you. You have been given a gift – start learning to recognize the attacks of the enemy and don’t let yourself be so easily felled by his snares.
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. Stand firm therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints, and pray on my behalf, that utterance may be given to me in the opening of my mouth, to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in proclaiming it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak. {Ephesians 6:10-20; NASB}
This further leads me to note that we must also stop so easily being riled up to snap at the prods of the enemy. We are called to love the Lord our God with all our heart, mind, and soul and to love our neighbour as ourselves (Matthew 22:34-40) – so other than our relationship with God (our time/discussion/worship given to Him) the enemy targets our relationships with others (or with ourselves). We are called to lives of humility and sacrifice in love for others. What better way to discredit the faith and calling we have than to snare us into hating others or being sharp or critical of them. 

This is not to say we should tolerate sin and allow the world to walk over us as if we were doormats. This is to say that we are to stand firm in our faith but to extend the love of Christ to the world. Jesus recognized the sin in others: think of the woman at the well (John 4:1-44). He knew the details of her life, and yet He bent the social boundaries of His day to extend to her the love and compassion that was overflowing from His heart. Why? Because He saw who she was created to be. He saw purpose and hope for her future – and when He recognized that in her, her heart was touched. He brought life to her emptiness. He did not stand there and condemn her for the way she lived and the things she had done. He treated her with tenderness and grace – He loved her even though she was the least loved in her community. How much more should we extend such love to those around us? Do not let the enemy trick you so easily into destroying the hearts of others by the careless words you speak. Stop your tongue from its hurtful meandering – hold it silent until what proceeds from your mouth is the encouragement and life-giving hope from the wellspring of Life that flows within you (James 3:1-12). Remember – how we deal with believers and non-believers should always be from the heart of Christ. Correction and rebuke of sin is another topic for another time. 

Securely fasten your breastplate of righteousness. We are clothed in the righteousness of God – keep it close and tight (Isaiah 61:10). Check your helmet of salvation – don’t take it off. Remember who you are in Christ – you are a new creation (Colossians 3). Put on your shoes; the Gospel of Peace. Let your peace go before you and proceed you into all situations, such that you continuously proclaim the Gospel by the way you live and the way you speak. Tighten your belt of truth - do not let the Word of God be far from you, but keep it imprinted on your heart so that no one can call you a liar. Keep your mind centered on the reason for our salvation so that you do not trip and fall on what traps the enemy has laid for you. Pick up your shield of faith. Don’t drop it, don’t leave it behind; speak the Gospel to yourself daily and lift up your soul by the Spirit of God (1 Corinthians 14:4). And take up the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. Use it for offense and defense – stand firmly over the ground you have taken and do not give it up. Be brave, be courageous, be bold – be humble, be loving, be compassionate. Above all, keep your eyes fixed on Jesus. You are a warrior priest called to a life of purity and selfless love. 

May the Spirit of God continue His good work in your life.

In Christ, 

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Seeker & I -- {A Poem}

All the might of the ocean, all its stormy churning gales
Could not disperse this emotion, silent agony that hails --
It calls out to the torn soul and the miser hiding thoughts, 
It calls them softly, calmly - then it wrenches out the knots.

It wrenches out the knots of what they thought they held so tightly,
It snatches them quick quick away and rattles through them nicely
Till it shells out all the memories of perfect moments peaceful,
And maliciously it taps them too, till they are shadowed dismal.

I watched the ocean tinker at the livelihoods of men,
And I thought myself a thinker far superior than them;
So I bricked up walls against her, yes I bricked them to the moon
And I shivered, happy miser, in my earthen white-washed room. 

And all was safe around me, all was quiet and hush hushed
And the oceans waves receded to a whispered lily blush
It was cold and dismal dreary in that darkened anguished plot
But I burned a fire more near me, till the warmth fled from me naught.

Thus I spent my seasons in a web of silenced stone
I was happy in my prison, I was glad to be alone
But we all know things of certainty are often brought to end
And so certainly my hiding hole was vanquished once again.

Yet this time the ocean's presence was a far-off thrumming vein
As the light poured in a hatchet crease, that showed my prison slain.
I was offended by this move, but soon abstained my voice
For through yonder hatchet crevice rang a rosy red rejoice.

The air around me glimmered as though stun-struck by the moon
Which against me now it shivered in my silver-wrought cocoon. 
I made habit of the darkness, but the light had pushed it back
So I fled into my prison, strong assured to flee that hack.

But a yellowed lantern glinted off the edges of my rooms
And it twitched and fast collided with my ghastly amber tombs
Then I saw the face of Seeker, which was softly kind and veiled
And he called out to me, "Weeper, why have you remained here jailed?" 

My retort was cracked and swallowed up by all the bricks behind me
But I filled my lungs again with air and hollered out all lordly,
"This is not my prison, sir, though I see why you might wonder,
I am happy here to stay, for I am fearful to fall under,

"See the ocean seeks me - hateful, it is hateful of my place
And it wants to break upon me and destroy me from this space.
But I will not move, I cannot, see I'm anchored here below
And my chain is now my bosom friend, for it sustains me so."

Then the Seeker held his lantern and revealed that dreadful link
Which was linked to others like it, till submerged at darkness' brink
It dropped off and curled away from me to some forsaken pit
Where no one could go to find it for no one could follow it.

But the Seeker looked undaunted, though I could not see his face
And he moved towards me strongly, and I held my muscles braced
For I thought him to be angry at my inconvenient state
Yet he did not step to haunt me, nor procure a fist or mace.

"Lo, my lady - see... I may come without a key,
But I seek to help unbind you so that you might be set free.
I can offer no such comfort as the loosing of your chains, 
But I can provide you friendship, if you'll let me but remain."

Then without a further word, Seeker drew me to his side
And we trekked through miles of rubble, all the bricks I'd built to hide, 
Till he brought me to the threshold of my woven prison door
Then he stepped out first before me, only held-breath left implore.

With this strange and sudden hoping, I rushed out into the night
It was then I had set foot upon the sandy shore, bone-white.
And I looked up to the heavens and my gasp of awe was rent
From my ribcage as I plundered all the starry firmament.

And my Seeker looked back softly as he called me ever on
For the air was cold about us, with the heat of day long gone.
So we paused but just a moment for my mind to orient
Then I fell in step behind him as we made our forward bent.

I was breathing heavy mists through teeth, it stung and yet was good
For then I knew the air back home was drowning dark false-hood
And my feet they gripped the ground beneath in slippy stilted zest
But I pressed on up with faithful hope, surely Seeker knew the best.

I must have traveled eons, time arrested in that state
For I was no longer blocked in, but I still was subjugate
And the chain that trailed behind me, I ignored it ever still
Pressing on and pushing further, after Seeker and his will.

We were dearest - he, beloved - I, ethereal - us, enchanted starry-eyed
In my shadowed act of freedom, my dried eyes open wide
It was beauty laced in gemstones, all cerulean effluence
From our hearts of candied jasmine, twining silk and jaded dense.

In the desert we grew friendship, till the forest formed its wings
Of a ceder honeyed timber made for sure and stronger things.
And on wings of wild flowers in the meadows secret kept, 
Seeker stole my heart and held it between gentle fingers trapped.

And I did not mind this difference, I was comforted in fact
For with Seeker things were safer, and my tired heart safe-packed.
So we journeyed ever onward, through the mountains and the vales, 
And my love for Seeker bloomed and grew and billowed out as sails.

He was ever veiled before me, but I did not mind this now
For a knight in shining armor has his secrets under vow,
And I loved him for it dearly till my heart had nearly burst
Long ago my chain forgotten, for my heart had quenched its thirst.

Seeker carried me through ages, ages present, ages past
Ages sealed away in tunnels, ages gently set to glass.
All these ages I have cherished and I know I always will
Because Seeker is not with me, he has other banes to kill.

I was bitter, I am bitter - Seeker was my own to dream of -
But we cannot choose our keeper and we cannot keep our love
And the things we love most dearly, we will set them on their own
If they choose another path and they seek another's home.

It was at the Sea of Memory that my Seeker left my side,
And he told me softly gently, from behind his veiled eye,
"We must part, my dearest pris'ner, we must go our separate ways
For I am not fit to wander down the path you now must blaze." 

And as waves swept in the inlet, my soul quaked beneath my skin, 
For I feared the ocean found me and that Seeker let her in.
But I set my jaw and bore it, as I sank into the sand
And watched Seeker kiss me softly as he dropped my glowing hand.

And I watched him wander offwards, and I watched him disappear
And I thought myself besotted with my agony and fear.
So I stood there, blankly watching as the sun set on the waves
Till the moon was glowly gently and around me grew the graves.

And I saw them threading upwards, keening loudly for my touch
All those ghastly amber shadows, drenched in misery and such,
And I tore my clothes with anger and I yanked upon my chain
Then I stormed away in hatred at how Seeker bore me pain.

But I did not grasp for brickwork and I did not sit to build, 
For I ran into the forest, where our love had left me skilled
There I built myself a tepee and I layered it with furs
Thus I kept myself well cared for as I mourned for our lost years.

There today I am remaining, not in temple nor in tomb, 
But in airy sacred hovel, soft of earthen forest womb
Sounds of birdsong and of crickets, of the nightly owlish hoot
Bring me fondest thoughts of Seeker and our fated seaside route.

Lo - the moral of this poem is a key I've yet to find
But I urge you reader dearest, to be humble and be kind;
For the people we are friends with and the people that we love
They can make or break our future, but they change us all above.

Signed with muted sonnets, 

Saturday, August 19, 2017

Part 1 - Why Am I A Christian? {Purpose, Fulfillment, & Peace}

I was sitting in my room, doing nothing terribly important (more or less - a typical Saturday) and I had a thought suddenly pounce. Many of the people I know, if they aren't part of my hometown friend-group, may or may not be aware that I am a Christian. I would hope that I've lived out my faith and spoken of it here and there, so that at least at a passing glance people know what I believe. But sometimes, especially in my work place, the opportunity doesn't come up or isn't welcomed.


So I've decided to write up a series on why I am a Christian, and what that means to me. If you don't believe in Jesus, perhaps this will help you better understand those who do and why I, personally, think it's such an important and critical part of my life.

There were a lot of possible first-points for my opening on this topic, and I know I have a lot to say across many different aspects of my faith, but I figured I should start off with one thing instead of blurting out every awesome factor that comes to mind :P With this in mind, my first point is going to be fulfillment. Or, as some might put it, how being a Christian has giving me a purpose and how it makes sense to me like nothing else I've found in life.

I have been all over the place with my life. While I grew up in a Christian home (my parents started bringing the family to church and talking openly to me about Jesus and the Bible when I was about 7 years old), and while I believed in Jesus at a relatively young age (~8 yrs), I ended up doing things my own way and exploring other options out of curiosity and out of an intense desire to be accepted by the people around me.

So, I dabbled in the occult, I read up on Catholicism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Humanism, and New Age religions. I tried to find purpose in science, in learning, in logic, in self-love, in friendship, and in romantic love. However, I will digress that I was always aware of my Christian foundation despite this, and it chewed away at my conscience and made me a rather miserable bean when I tried to figure it all out on my own.

What I came to recognize, down every avenue I explored, was that none of the above ever gave me a lasting peace and a solid sense of fulfillment. For a time, yes, I felt as thought I had found some interesting grounding tools that would stop life's chaotic sway and let me control the uncontrollable. But that didn't last long and I was always thrown back with an overwhelming sense of confusion and unhappiness.

It was only when I would turn my attention back to Jesus that I found stability, fulfillment, and peace in my life. And let me tell you, being a Christian is the best decision I have ever made. There is something truly indescribable about having a growing friendship with God... it escapes human definition, but it is by far the most real and lasting thing I have experienced.

For about 3 years in my late teens, early 20s, I went through a really rough period of great loss and sorrow. My family life was very stressful, my church family went through some difficult transitions and almost split, almost all of my close friends turned their backs on me, one of my friends was hospitalized from a suicide attempt, 8 people I knew passed away within a year, and many loved animals suddenly passed away. It seemed as if no matter which way I turned, I was hit with tragedy after tragedy and hurt after hurt. I became very depressed and suicidal; I hated my life and who I was and felt completely worthless and without purpose. Night after night I would go to bed in tears, begging God to just let me die so everything would finally stop.

Yet while my heart was broken to pieces, God never once failed to reach out to me time and again. I look back on those years and find myself marveling at how great His patience must have been when I was so stubborn and angry.

In the midst of those trials, if ever I took the time to read His Word, it never failed that I would have the faintest flickering of hope light up inside me. However, because those instances were not as common as they should have been, I tended to forget about the peace I felt when I focused on Him; and so, the whole cycle would begin again.

However, as you've noticed, I am writing to you now, many years later. Clearly I've survived that period of life and I'm doing much better. In part, this is because of caring people around me who have supported me and comforted me. Mostly, though, it is because of God. I don't say this lightly either - what with being a scientist and critical thinker (everything I conclude has been carefully observed and noted). I have truly found something that gives me life like nothing else can. It surpasses every human and logical explanation, but I can't deny how real it is.

Being a Christian has given me purpose, a sense of complete fulfillment, and a peace in my heart that surpasses anything else I've ever known. I am not part of a religion with laws and rules dictating how I'm supposed to act to win the approval of a judgmental god; rather, I am part of a relationship with a God who saw my darkest point as He hung on a cross and spoke through time to me, saying, "Hey, it's okay - let me take that burden from you because I love you more than you can ever imagine. You don't have to do anything to earn this, just believe in Me."

This doesn't mean I'm perfect. I know better than anyone else that I'm far from it; I mess up a lot, but I haven't given up. What it does mean though, is that I've found true life and a forgiveness that covers every imperfection I have. I have found a love that is deeper and more complete than anything else on earth. I know what it is to truly live and to be known by God. I can never go back to the point of my life where I once questioned or doubted His existence, my life is forever changed by what Jesus has done for me.

I want to encourage you, if you don't believe in Jesus, try looking into it. Life is so tough sometimes, and a lot of Christians have misrepresented who God truly is. We do Him injustice with our selfish behaviour and mistakes, but I promise you that if you let Him, He will change your life and make it infinitely better <3

If you have questions or comments, please feel free to write to me in the comment box below :)

Signed with sea salt,


Monday, August 14, 2017

Stop Sitting on the Fence

Are you walking in faith and trusting in who God says you are? Do you doubt? Do you run off your feelings? Either way, you should listen to this. Let's be convicted about what we've been born into, Christians - let's be convicted and start living like we are actually called to a royal we are children of the Most High God who has called us.

Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance, but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior; because it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”If you address as Father the One who impartially judges according to each one’s work, conduct yourselves in fear during the time of your stay on earth; knowing that you were not redeemed with perishable things like silver or gold from your futile way of life inherited from your forefathers, but with precious blood, as of a lamb unblemished and spotless, the blood of Christ. For He was foreknown before the foundation of the world, but has appeared in these last times for the sake of you who through Him are believers in God, who raised Him from the dead and gave Him glory, so that your faith and hope are in God. {1 Peter 1:13-21, NASB}

Let's stop sitting on the fence.


Saturday, June 24, 2017

Days Full of Sunshine

A lot of my mornings start with grey clouds and grumpy frowns. I'm not a morning person if I have to get up and go at the drop of a hat. I much prefer to take them slow, like drinking dark coffee in a cafe kind of slow. I wish I could spend every day lounging for an hour in the early sunshine, letting my skin mediate between me and the world before I run off. I don't always have that luxury and I grouch about it. 

Today was a little different. Saturdays usually are though. I spent my morning hours sipping coffee, eating pecan pralines, and reading If You Feel Too Much by Jamie Tworkowski. In the sunshine. It was perfect. I was happy and yawning, surrounded by beautiful prose and the heart of a person like me. I felt my eyes well up a few times at the simple beauty of it all.

What if we all stopped a moment to love a little deeper. What if we were honest with each other about our pain and purpose; our questions and our answers. I have so many questions that have never been answered, and I have so many answers that don't fit my questions. I have a heart heavy with pain and awkward joy; somber dark honey - a cloud of hope behind the darkness. Sometimes I prefer the silence and seclusion of my mind to the noisy cacophony of people, but I still crave to be known and loved. I want to spill my mind and heart and be vulnerable and open, but I cringe at the risk of it all. Most of the time I hide behind my smiles, waiting and wondering at the future and the present. Wishing for a moment of laughter that will overcome every fear and paralyzing doubt.

Being alone with myself and being okay with it is a lovely thing. People exhaust me (I exhaust me). But people feel what I feel and want to be loved the way I do - we are connected by our similar struggles and battles. So, part of me wants to reach out and love them through the exhaustion, because they deserve to be loved. They deserve to be reached and understood. I don't want others to feel what I've felt before, to be alone and hurting and shunned by the world because they don't quite understand. 

If you're reading this today and you feel lost and struck by the weight of what you carry, please reach out and talk to someone. We aren't made to go through life alone. We're made for community and compassion; we're built to help carry each other's burdens. I know it doesn't seem that way, that the road seems incredibly dark and silent, but the people around you (even if they aren't in your circumstance and even if they've never experienced what you have) they can relate and support you. 

And if you are someone who doesn't feel that weight, reach out and love someone who does. Touch everyone around you with your joy and hope, set out your care like a salesman and sell it for free. Be persistent - go door to door through the hearts you cross and love them. If only more people loved boldly, perhaps the world would be a softer place. 

Signed with navy blue sparkles, 

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